


Broken Broken Broken Heart

by henclair



Category: Dear Evan Hansen - Pasek & Paul/Levenson
Genre: M/M, Pining, Self-Hatred, Swearing, jared pines and jared pines some more
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-12-17
Updated: 2017-12-17
Packaged: 2019-02-15 21:44:59
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 629
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13040052
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/henclair/pseuds/henclair
Summary: God, Jared's mind was just a loop of Evan fucking Hansen.





	Broken Broken Broken Heart

Jared kicked off his shoes and threw his backpack down, dragging a hand down his face and sighing into his regretfully empty house.

He could have had Evan with him. He could’ve been spending time with his only friend. God, he’s so pathetic, can’t even ask a boy to hang out with him because of the prospect of being with a _boy_ alone. Jesus. Even if it’s his friend, his friend Evan the nerd who’s seen Jared crying and naked too many times. 

But Evan isn’t just his friend. No way, he’s way too much in Jared’s mind. In Jared’s heart too, the traitorous little bitch it is.

He kicked the couch absentmindedly, his brain trying to occupy the space in his chest. He frowned as he passed the mirror, flipping off his own reflection.

“Serve’s you for being an asshole.” Jared said to himself as he felt a pang of pain in his heart. “Asshole.” He spat for good measure, watching his own features fall.

Better than watching Evan’s fall if he were here, his mind very unhelpfully supplied. Jared walked up the stairs to his room, kicking the wall next to his door and popping the door open.

Fuck this, he thought, I’m so done with this. He didn’t really know what “this” was but it was enough to get him riled up and angry. I need a good cry, he mused before pushing the thought down and deciding on a good ol’ music vent.

Jared clicked through his phone until he came upon the mix titled ‘family friend’ because he’d fuck Connor Murphy’s dead body before he had Evan’s actual name on his spotify for everyone (Alana) to see.

Pressing play he flopped backwards and let out a heavy sigh. Shuffle was a bitch he decided as the first song that came up was not a song but a _fucking tacobell ad_. Seriously, fuck you spotify, suck a dick. 

The opening chords to a country sounding song started and Jared closed his eyes at the familiarity. Ahh, that’s more like it, a wallowing song, his asshole mind thought. He fucking hated his mind sometimes. Too much sometimes.

His mind wandered as the song progressed. 

Evan, Evan, Evan. He thought of Evan. A dmbass, a nerd, a liar, someone who called Jared an asshole (another on the list), an anxious wreck, the most beautiful boy Jared’s ever seen. One seem out of place? Too bad, that’s who Evan was to Jared.

The title of the song was fitting. A broken, broken, broken heart for his own broken, broken, broken heart. 

Fuck, was his heart really broken? Over a guy? Jesus christ someone hire him a hitman. 

He rolled over and shoved his face in the blankets, mumbling the words to the song out, the sound muffled and drowned. Jared stayed like that for a good while, the song ending and changing to another one of equal angst much to his pleasure. 

A happy song would do him no good right now.

The thing is, Jared wasn’t sure he even had a reason to be heartbroken. He had no competition with Evan, Zoe being off the market (he would have to thank Alana) and Evan certainly liked Jared platonically.

Even if there had been fights in their long history as ‘family’ friends. 

But Jared would never take the chance he was given, did anyone really think he would? It was too much of a risk to lose Evan again. (His heart still hurt from the Connor Project bull.) So he was definitely _not_ going to take the chance the world was giving him right now.

Nope.

Definitely not.

And he wasn’t heartbroken over the fact he wasn’t going to take this chance.

Nope.

Like he said, definitely not.

**Author's Note:**

> i didn't know how to end this so???  
> @hannukahharrington on tumblr  
> kudos and comments make me Smile


End file.
